2008-Mayday: Lyrics

Assram at the Ashram

Gimme a Y-O-G-A

Take a vow of silence

and celibacy

then do some Yoga

you’re almost ready

open your chakras

awake your kundalini

the only thing I’m needing

is deep in your bikini

’cause it’s an assram at the Ashram

we’ll do it in the Turkish fashion

an assram at the Ashram

we’ll do it in the Turkish fashion

an assram at the Ashram

in the Turkish fashion

Bastard

Punch a baby

drink milk from the bottle

push an old lady down

watch her hip as it breaks

I’m a bastard

I’m a dickhead

I’m an Asshole

I’m a total jerk

flip off some kittens

30 in an 80 zone

pull your pants down

fart on your friend

bare-bum fart

I’m a bastard

A fucking twat

annoying prat

donkey-raping shit eater

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Butter

Dark brown sugar

lots of vanilla

cinnamon

Baking soda

not baking powder

a dash of salt

one egg

enough oats so you’d notice

but not enough oats to make hem oatmeal cookies

enough cocoa powder so you’d notice

but not enough cocoa powder to make them chocolate cookies

then you’ve got to add the flower

it’s gonna seem like too much flour

but you’ve got to add all that flour

I prefer to use whole wheat flour

chocolate chips

got to use chocolate chips

wouldn’t be chocolate chip

without chocolate chips

bake them in a pan

until they look like cookies

350 degrees

let them cool on the pan

until they all hold their shape

they should be soft even when they’re cold

Degobah Girl

I remember that day back at dock bay 69

Crashed my X-Wing into your Swamp to see what I could find

Degobah Girl

Degobah Girl

How do you grow so big eating food of this kind?

penetrate your dark side cave to see what I can find

Degobah Girl

Degobah Girl

Degobah Girl

Evil Elvis

Evil Elvis sings my song

Evil Elvis bites my shlong

Evil Elvis sequined Ass

Evil Elvis comes too fast

Elvis never died

He turned to the dark side

He’s a hunka hunka burnin’ evil love

he’ll heartbreak your hotel

He’ll clambake you in hell

He’ll stick his hand inside your glove

Evil Elvis sings my song

Evil Elvis bites my shlong

Evil Elvis sequined Ass

Evil Elvis comes too fast

He turns his wooden heart to metal

fools rush in

but he can’t help

falling to hell with you

he’s the devil

but he’s not in disguise

Evil Elvis sings my song

Evil Elvis bites my shlong

Evil Elvis sequined Ass

Evil Elvis comes too fast

My Girl

My Girl

Won’t punch you out

or kick your balls

or stamp your foot

My Girl

Won’t call a hit

or punch you in your big left tit

My Girl

won’t kill your dog

or feed your relatives your pet frog

My Girl

won’t bite your eye

or your fingers

or your thigh

My Girl

My Girl

My Girl

Is so sweet

My Girl

My Girl

My Girl

will poison what you eat

Neck Punch

Neck punch

Skerfer

Foot punch

aaa!

arm punch

aaa!

number one target punch

back punch

hey!

foot punch

huh?

Dan Tian punch

oof!

bizarre target punch all the time

neck punch

Punch The Dummy

Punch that dummy

pound that wood

touch that third arm

with your palm

don’t touch unless you want to stay touching

Don’t be scared

it’s okay to like it

but if you don’t you’ve got to do it anyway

you’l end up sore and bruised and tired

but you’ve got to do it anyway

Punch that dummy

Punch that dummy

Punch that dummy

Punch that dummy

Spew

Spew

vomit

upchuck

hurl

puke

Yell at the bowl

purge

heave

retch

gag

ralph

puke-e-lele

Weiner Dogs

People think they’re so damn cute

others: fucking lame

but the truth about weiner dogs

is they cause a ton of pain

What if The Catholics Are Right?

I’ve never confessed that I’m an evil son of a bitch

I don’t have a rosary, but if I did,  I wouldn’t count that shit

never gotten a spanking from a nun

but I must admit it sounds like fun

no-one cares if I never prayed all night

but we’re fucking fucked

if the Catholics are right